Why?

What is it about me that makes people feel this need to protect? it’s not like I’m some fragile piece of glass or anything, and I don’t think I look like the kind of person who needs to be protected, so what? What is it? Is it because I don’t get sex jokes very often, or the fact that I think ‘jump your bones’ means give you a hug? The fact that I’m almost too socially inept to function properly? I just don’t get it. Jamie says I’m innocent, and if it was just that, I wouldn’t be so… not really annoyed, so much as confused, I guess.

But last night, at the concert (the one i hated) and me, Syd, BC, and A got separated. You should have seen how they acted once we met up again. It was like they were really and truly devastated that I got separated from them. You’d think I was 7, not 17, the way they acted. And after the crazy chick bit A, he asked me if I was alright! Like I was the one she bit, not him! It really and honestly freaks me out.

I’ve never had anyone worry over me like my friends do. I’m the one who does the worrying. But what I really didn’t like, was how upset I was when i found out they weren’t with me anymore. I feel really stupid saying it, but I was scared. I know in the other post I didn’t really say much about how the concert made me feel, but I was 100% terrified. I’ve never been around so many scary people before, and i did not like it. At all. My slight claustrophobia didn’t exactly help, though. I don’t like touching people I don’t know.

Getting back on track; I feel really embarrassed about everything i just wrote, and it is taking me a lot of restraint to not just delete all of it. One a less confusing note: my foot isn’t broken. turns out there was a piece of glass stuck in it. *blush* My head is still killing me though. Probably from sitting up all night in the hospital with my sister, who forgot her inhaler and had an asthma attack just after 30 Seconds to Mars finished. Missed a day of school which is cool, but I also missed a day of rehearsals, which made me upset. I don’t like missing things that are important to me. Musical, yes. School, no. Sad thing is, the profession I plan on going into, therapy, requires an assload of school. And i just don’t have the grades for that. Guess i’ll just have to marry Jared Leto, and live out my days in the lap of luxury. Sigh… that is, of course, my friends let me. But whatever, this whole post is weird and awkward, so i’m just going to post it before i lose the nerve.

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2 Comments

Filed under Life, Music, school

2 responses to “Why?

  1. You’re socially awkward? I would’ve never guessed. I always thought you were rather popular lol. I’M socially awkward. I get along with people, I just don’t make friends.
    It’s alright to feel freaked out at a concert. I would’ve been super freaked. Especially at one like yours. You can get killed at those sort of things. Which is why I spend most of my time at home, because much as I would like to die, I would also like to live out the rest of my life.
    Don’t be embarrassed, this is what a blog is for. It’s nice to see you posting something with some real depth every once and a while.

  2. Nic

    Concerts are definatley different, some of the ones my friends go to “you know it’s a good night when you come home with a black eye!” is what he said to me once 0_0 I will never see slipknot mainly for that reason! I went to see coheed and cambria && madina lake when I was 16, it was awesome but it’s strange being so weirdly close to people you don’t know.
    Sorry to hear your friends when walk-about. It’s understandable for you to be worried, as like, they could be anywhere. If you ever go to a concert again I hope it goes better than this one. btw 30 seconds to mars= amazing and jared leto= hot!!!

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