Category Archives: school

Abandonment Issues

In Nothing We Trust

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I am so tired of being virtually incapable to trust people 100%. But whenever someone says something that I’m not sure is sarcastic or not, I take it to heart, whether I want to or not. Like yesterday, when A said that she loved me, and B said she didn’t, I know she was just joking, but I spent the rest of the day wondering what I had done to make her not like me, and what I could do to fix it. I’ve been friends with these people for three years.If I can’t trust them, who the hell can I trust? I’m constantly worried about insulting people that i usually just end up insulting them worse. So in order to prevent this, i refrain from talking to people I don’t know, and then they get the impression that I’m rude, and cold. Or super shy and sweet, depending on what facial expression I have that day. I figure that this is why I don’t like getting close to people. No way to get hurt. In the four years I’ve lived in this house, none of my friends have ever been inside it, and only three know where it is. They all think my aunt is my mom, and no one knows that I never met my birth dad. And these are my closest friends. You guys who read my blog don’t really get just how much it cost me to keep this blog going after you all figured out about it. The last two times that happened, I deleted them. My pets know the most about me. And not even all of them. Just Jackson. He’s been there for everything, sad as that is. The time I was grounded (for a whole day. Yay discipline.) the day after christmas, he stayed with me the whole time I was being yelled at. He can kind of… sense when I’m uncomfortable, I guess. Those people who say animals don’t have souls are jackasses. There’s more soul in my slutty cat Annabelle then in the whole high school population. And animals don’t have language? *scoff* just because we don’t  understand them doesn’t mean it’s not a language. if that were true, society would collapse, because there is no one language that every single person on Earth understands. There is nothing truly unique about humans, other then our incessant need to belittle each other, and make up things to make ourselves seem most superior. And, yet again, I have strolled off to Ramble, NM. And since it’s a one way trip, I shall continue. Or not. I just sat here for about five minutes trying to think of something smart, witty, yet sensitive to write. I got nothing. Typical.

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Movies in My Head

Oprah Winfrey Show title card

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Did you know that not everyone can picture what they’re reading as they’re reading it? I learned that recently. I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t automatically picture the thing I was reading about. Is that why people don’t read? Because they only see words? Do people also not make up stories in their heads when they’re bored? God, I don’t know how anyone can handle that! No reading, no imagination… What’s the fun in life if all you have are songs with loud beats to overcompensate for the lack of a story, And movies, because you couldn’t come up with something like that in your mind? Man, I have a bunch of skills that will never help me in the future, don’t I? Instead of doing math at 4, I learned how to read. Instead of being able to keep a deadline, I can read books in a day, usually less. I have a killer imagination, but I will only be able to share that with people who enjoy reading, which is about an 8th of this stupid country’s population. And our country is stupid. We only read if a book is being made into a movie, is super short, or has an Oprah sticker on the cover. And even then, we need pointless things like the Kindle, because we’d rather read a book off of a small screen, burning out our pupils, but can’t handle reading a paper book, where the most damage you can expect is a paper cut, unless someone hits you in the head with one. Like, our school is very book-oriented (entertainment wise), and even then, our library is tiny, kids only read books about vampires and the like, and some of my very best friends don’t like to read. And don’t even get me started on manga. The story lines would make great books, but are watered down to about a thousand words, and a bunch of pictures. I greatly dislike having to fear the day when books are just… gone.

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Filed under Life, Movies, Music, school, Uncategorized

Improving My Talents in Bed… What?

Yeah, so there’s this kid on my bus, a junior, I think, and he has come to the conclusion that since I was reading a book on my phone that had one, ONE sex scene, I am learning how to be better in bed. Huh. He’s not a super close friend, so he doesn’t know about my vow to never have sex (Hey, funny thought. What if God is just playing with us with all the no lying, killing, etc, and all we really have to do to get into heaven is die a virgin? Just a thinkling.) and I can’t really hold that against him, but still. Even if I was doing that, would I really be doing it on the bus… on my phone… sitting next to someone? No, I would not. On another note, I really like drama. The class, not the one universal flaw all humans share. I wish I had gotten into it earlier, though. But at the same time, if I had started back in Freshmen year, I wouldn’t have all the amazing friends I have now. In some ways, I think I’m closest to my Drama friends. I can tell when they’re upset, or when they’re having an off day… It’s gotten to the point where I think a few of us are even on the same cycle. I dread leaving all this next year. And for what? A degree I’ll never use? A crappy apartment in the same city I’ve lived in for years? It just seems like, after 13 years of having every day of my life planned out, and having each day end relatively well, I’m scared of going off into the world, completely unprepared. Oh, if only I could just hide away from the world in the middle of a place with trees, weather, and no one else around for miles, and just write. And oh, to never have to hear my sisters guffawing about chest hair a few feet away from me. *sigh* Well, a girl can dream.

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Tomorrow’s Leader’s Debates of Today

These are the kinds of discussions the future of the world has on a daily basis. We're sorry, humanity.

Kyle- Aww, he's all out of candy!

Me- yeah, Trici ate the last one. And it's a girl.

Kyle- Oh. What's her name?

Me- *blank stare* It's a Pez.

Kyle- So? It's still a stuffed animal.

Me- Where is the stuffed-ness?

Kyle- It's stuffed with candy.

Me- Not anymore.

Kyle- Well, it was!

Me- Well, he doesn't get one!

Kyle- I thought it was a girl?

Me- …yeah… I said that.

Kyle- How can you even tell? It's doesn't have any… stuff.

Me- There's nothing dangling, so I think we're safe in the assumption that it is a girl.

Kyle- If you gave it a name it'd be more clear.

Me- Hush your face.

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What Keeps Me Up at Night

The reason I am so jittery throughout the day.

I am kept away from the wonder that is sleep by the same thing that keep my grandma awake. No, not hourly bathroom trips. Books. No matter what, I stay up almost all night reading them, searching for ones I plan on reading, or jotting down story lines for that book that I will one day write. I’ve always been like that, though. I get these weird obsessions and I just run with them. For all for eight grade I was convinced that i was going to be a famous artist, and spent hours pouring over a sketch book I found in the garage, trying to decide if I was going to play it safe, and use a cheapie crayon, or if I was going to splurge, and use a Crayola. I won’t even get into the full three months I thought my born purpose was to become a professional balldancer! (Sadly, this phase was much more recent then it should have been. Yay denial!!) I suspect, however, that it won’t be long until i am no longer kept up by books, but because of them. Because when I undoubtably procrastinate so much that I am writing a ten page paper in twelve hours, aided only by three Starbucks Double Shots and sheer force of will, it will be because I ‘only had one more page/chapter/book’. Seriously, if there was a way to pass school just reading and writing, I’d do it. But no. we must focus on things we will never use ( unless we’re planning on being engineers, which most aren’t) like Math, and Science. And while crap programs like football and friggin’ golf aren’t effected at all by the huge budget cuts, all of the arts are in danger of being cut. The arts are more useful then any sport, bar none. The number of theatre students that pursue their career and are successful is much higher then that of sports professionals. Especially ones from tiny, no name schools like ours. Hmm. Off topic. A sign I should go to bed. But will I? No. Gotta finish my book.

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Proof That Arizona Does Have Weather Other Then Boiling Heat- Yay Monsoons!!!

This right here is some of the only proof that Arizona has weather. Yesterday’s clouds were prettier, but I couldn’t get a good shot of any of them. This was taken right after school, at about 3:45pm. If weather was like this all the time, but not humid, i would be in heaven. Some people, however, are not like this. some kids were even wearing sweaters and huddled up like it was cold. if it was winter, that’d be one thing, but it isn’t. it’s summer, and huddling up is probably making it worse. Sweater Weather is when it is below seventy degrees for more then three days, in my opinion.

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Screwy Schedule

Once, just once, I’d like to have a school schedule that wasn’t completely messed up. I’m in a Junior Advisory Base, my dear, beloved computer, UberBitch, has been ‘upgraded’ to who I will now refer to as SlutBag, and for some reason, I’m taking Yearbook. I hate yearbook. A lot. The only respite i get is Drama, and this year I have it 5th period, instead of 1st, like last year. Having it first gave me the will to suffer through the rest of the day. Now I have to wait until after lunch. Grr… But, on the very slight upside, I get to blog now, I get to write, and I get to IMDB. Yay!!! No more sneaking blog posts or comments on my aunt’s computer at 3 in the morning! No more trying to check my email on a tiny phone. Also, my foot is totally asleep. Yay… On that note, or not, it’s my devil spawn of a sister’s first day of high school today. I think she’s cursed, because someone threw up on the bus this morning. I take pride in the fact that our bus has never had an accident for as long as I’ve been riding it, and then she comes along and ruins my streak.

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