Tag Archives: parents

The Damage Fathers Do

I wonder if they know, when they leave us, what damage they’ve done. What lifelong trust issues they’ve forged in us. Do they know that when they slam that door shut for the last time, they’ve taken something that can never be returned? Over the years I’ve watched my family’s interactions, and have come to one conclusion: fathers do no good. My father left when I was a day old, and I know that it wasn’t because of some fight he had with my mom. He just didn’t want me. My youngest sister was born right about the time my mom and stepfather split up, and because she’s a reminder of that, he never got close to her. My cousin’s father was abusive while my aunt was pregnant, but somehow got visitation rights, but hasn’t seen her in a few years. While my cousin has a good stepfather, she’s old enough to understand that her birth father doesn’t want her anymore. They think we grow out of it, but I’ve seen what it does to adults. My stepdad’s father left when he was ten, and to this day he has one of his dad’s business cards taped to the fridge. I think that’s what seperates my other sister from the rest of the family. She has a father. One that didn’t run the day after she was born, or just up and stop visiting or paying child support. One that she sees weekly, and actually loves her. None of us had that. Sometimes I wish I could go back, you know? Back to when my stepdad couldn’t see that i wasn’t his, and my mother was a good mother. And she was. before she went all crazy, she was the best. She’d take me to my friends’ sleepovers, she’d let my friends sleep over, even if it was a schoolnight… one time she drove up to my school and yelled at my teacher, who had told me that Santa wasn’t real! I should’ve known. Should’ve known it wouldn’t last. But still… I got seven years of a good mother, and an indifferent stepdad. my sister got five years of good parents, and 13 years of a good dad. So I think I’m entitled to a little bitterness.

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Mixed Signals

Why, oh why do parents always have to be so complicated all the goddamn time? i told my aunt/mom/thing that i had a drama meeting after school, and she starts whining about if it wasn’t her night off she’d’ve been so pissed and stuff. she’s the one who told me that if i quit cheerleading like she forced me to, then i’d have to do something extracurricular. that’s what I’m doing, and yet… I’M the bad guy!! it’s not even like it costs her anything. and she won’t even be home when the meeting’s over, so i don’t get it. I’m telling you, this woman is unpleasable. she guilts me into quitting the one thing i had going right in my life, and then she tells me that she’ll never forgive me if go and get all fat because i’m not doing anything! As if it was my idea! I hate parents. i really and truly do. Fathers leave you, as if you were nothing more then a spare sock to them, while mothers whine about how hard it is raising three kids, and get congratulated for it! “oh, you’re just so strong, taking care of your sisters illegitimate children.”, and “i could never be that strong.”, and then, a personal favorite when done in baby voice while directed at teenage girl, “you’re so lucky to have such a loving mother.” and of course, the whole time the frigging mary poppins brigade is cheering her on she just sits there, like it isn’t the whole reason she even kept us. she doesn’t know it, but i know just how close me and my sisters got to being put up for adoption. i found the papers in her desk when i was nine. like anyone would adopt a nine year old. they want cute little kids and teenagers to help take care of said little kids. Anyone in between is forgotten. And yet, i think that would have been an acceptable alternative to being where i am now. practically a teen mother without even having the pleasure of sex. which so isn’t fair. if i’m going to be saddled with kids at a young age, i want to have the wild, sweaty monkey sex you see in movies. if no wild monkey sex, then screw it. (heehee, funny pun.)

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