I love Josh Groban. I hate Twitter. Still hate Twitter, but I love Josh even more! Read these and you will too.
Acting older is the new acting younger.
Alright alright….so Jack Lalanne and Ron Popeil team up for….The Juice Dehydrator!
Today, as an acting exercise I want everyone to pretend they’re Susan Boyle for 15 minutes.
Getting the peepers checked. I hate when they blow the air on your eyeball…I feel like confessing something.
If i had a nickel today for every “great, one more time but this time with mutes!”…I’d be 15 cents richer.
Came back from lunch and the ghost in my house had turned on Bridezillas. grrl you bettah keep the sheet off because if i find you iss ovah
I decided that halftime was a good opportunity to run uphill for 30 minutes in a sweatsuit. I chest bumped my imaginary coach.
(me smart) I have ventured into the 600’s of my directv to catch the USC game. Glad I’m here now but its going to be a bitch getting back.
When dancing, feel free to double-time that sh*t when the mood is right. But never triple time. Heads fly right off.
To any fan who’s made a site for me devoted to bickering, negativity, and disrespect…I have built for you a time machine. shiny!
Gopher checking out the show. He’s not shy and he’s never hungry. Hoarding vegan crumbs for winter.
Someone left a hustler magazine on my front door. How’s your night?
Today, just to keep things interesting, I’ve decided my wheaten terrier Sweeney is now Squeakers the Giant Hamster. Plastic ball in works…
…my great grandfather louise was a tenor! had no idea! she sent me on my way with a book of yiddish theater songs. score!! (Louis, not Louise….family tree wasn’t THAT interesting)
I do have to remember everytime I say “hell” or “damn” on here how many times I will be scolded by elementary school tweechers.
Goodnight,Ave Maria sheet music, Goodnight newsie hat, Goodnight buffalo picture, goodnight old iphone case, Goodnight sham wow infomercial.
goodnight, bagel chips. goodnight, empty nazonex box. goodnight, Buddha cup from Benihanas. Goodnight, Jabberwocky. I’m not scared of you.
I will now study this matter for another hour or so to research how it could have happened. night night! all porn that has been posted on my message board tonight by outlandish hooligans will be taken down promptly.
Before Facebook, I was so CLUELESS as to when highschool friends were having birthday parties! Now, I’m all over that–shut yo mouth!
I guess Shia LaBeouf thinks his action figure looks like me. I wonder if he saw it and went “no no no no NO NO NO NO NO NO!”
generally if i google a question and there isn’t even remotely an answer, i’ve really been overthinking the whole damn thing. deep thoughts.
I dunno…what the heck are YOU doing, twitter?? huh? you wanna go??!!
Doubt…is a riveting….cinematic…tale of decep….deception…and…oh god….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Aw my dog just brought me a sock that was on the floor for fathers day.
If we’re ever at a party together and you can’t find me, check the farthest back corner
You in love yet?